Letter to a Father - Part 2

31 years ago. Eto yung stage sa buhay ko na ang iniintindi kong sakit ay yung hindi ako pansinin ng kaibigan ko or yung feeling ko na ang pangit ko kasi yung crush ko may crush na iba. Eto yung panahon na nakahiligan ko magsuot ng mga itim at oversized na tshirts dahil sa mga panahong uso ang Metallica, Guns n Roses, Nirvana at kung ano ano pa. 

Ikaw ang partly nag influence sa kin maging mahilig sa music. Hilig mo pa ng panahon na to yung mga Beatles, Engelbert Humperdinck at kung ano ano pa. Ikaw ang nagturo sa kin ng panonood ng mga english films kasi sabi mo natutulungan ka nitong palawakin yung english vocabulary mo. Dahil nga nagagamit mo to minsan pag kumakausap ng mga pasahero habang maneho ka ng taxi. 

Dito ko natutunang tingnan lagi kung ano ba ang mga bago sa collection mo ng mga casette tapes mo. Dun ko nakita yung pangalan ng babae na wala sa aming lima. Yung ikot ng takbo ng buhay ng pamilya natin noon parang tulad ng mga panahon na susunduin mo kami sa gabi pag gagarahe ka na tapos hinto tayo sa Burger Machine para kumain tapos on the way pag may nakita kang pasahero bigla mo na kami mamadaliin iuwi para mabalikan yung pasahero kasi sayang yung kikitain mo. Di ako naniniwala sa regrets pero eto lang ata ang iniisip ko na kung sana di ako nangialam ng gamit mo baka sana.

Hindi ko na maalala yung mga nangyari after nun. Natatandaan ko na hinanap ka ng puso ko nung graduation ko ng HS kasi big achievement sa kin yun. Pero wag ka umiyak at malungkot kasi tapos na yun. Kaya ko lang naikwento kasi yung pakiramdam ko nun na makakakain na kami ng 3 beses sa isang araw ng di kumakapal ang mukha sa pangungutang sa tindahan, di pa pala haha. Pero tumatak sa isip ko yung panahon na magigising ako ng madaling araw at makikita ko si mommy na iyak ng iyak at nakatingin sa langit. I wasn't matured enough to understand pero ramdam ko yung sakit. 

Nung panahon na naghahanap na kami ng school for college para sa kin, nakita ko yung strength ni Mommy na ipush makapagaral ako kahit hindi namin alam kung san kukunin ang pera pang tuition. Honestly, I don't know how she keeps on fighting kahit alam ko na alam nyang wala nga kami pera pang kain eh. 

I got into Adamson kasi we applied for the Student Assistant. Kaya lang I need to pay for the first semester. Five thousand pesos. Wala na kami talaga malapitan. Lumapit kami kay Lola pero may kapalit. Yun atang anak ni Tito Orlan? My course was Computer Engineering. 5 years. I worked as student assistant, sa Chemistry Laboratory ako naassign of all places, hikain nga ako eh pero di ka pwede mag complain. 5 long years including summer. Sobrang thankful kami ni mommy pero sobra sya naghigpit sa kin. Kelangan ko kasi mag maintain ng grades para d maalis yung scholarship so naiintindihan ko naman. Pero the 16 year old me was longing for friends and outings and new stuff especially pag beginning of school year. I can’t afford to have the luxury of having friends kasi medyo yamanin mga tao sa adamson noon. The people I got close with are the people who works as Student Asssistant too. 

On my 2nd year, si mommy push pa rin na nakapag debut ako sa bahay. You were there sa labas but Im not sure you remember. But I remember being happy kasi andun ka. All those 5 years studying is a struggle. I'm inside my own bubble not remembering the times na naglaro ba ako with my sisters. All I know is my goal to not have a failing grade, my scholarship and to finish my college so I could work and help mommy with my sisters. There are fragments in my memory kung saan si Apple (Pangalawa) kelangang mamasukan bilang katulong tapos si Kendi (Pangatlo) nasa bulacan para dun mag highschool.

Yung panahon na di na kami mapautang sa tindahan kasi puno n yung listahan. Yung panahon na kami lang sa buong alejos ang walang kuryente dahil d nakabayad. Yung panahon na bente pesos lang baon ko para pamasahe sa school, ang lunch ko kanin ang sabaw is maggie noodles. Sushal di ba? Uutangin namin yun sa isang teacher na nagtitinda dun sa Chem Lab 2 noodles, 7 kami maghahati, dadamihan namin sabaw, tapos magsasaing ng madami. Mga panahon na kelangan ko ng gamit sa school like tsquare pero walang pambili syempre pero alam mo yung kwento ko kanina na laging may ipapadalang tulong para makausad ka bawat araw. Meron ding kwento wherein magpapaligaw ako sa bahay at nakakatuwa naman na may lagi silang dala na pagkain. So another raos for the day din yun hehe.

Kinukwento ko lahat to sayo hindi para isumbat kung hindi para di mo kaawaan sarili mo ngayon na kung saan ka lang nakikitulog. Na wala kang pera pang kain. Lahat yan ay pinagdaanan namin. Ang difference is we didn't choose or did any bad decision in life to go through that phase in our life. But I am telling you this para makita mo how GOD has been there for us. How GOD will helped you to go through this. Binigyan ka nya ng kapitbahay na mabait na nagpapatira sa yo.

Letter to a Father - Part 1

 I am part of that statistic of fatherless children. I am not proud of it nor ashamed of it now that im positioned in the middle part of my life. I'm grateful for the epidural that made me somehow forget some of those details in my life that no one ever wanted to remember. Though I can't say the pain and all that entails with that moment in our life isn't felt. 

I don't remember how much I cried and long for a father figure. But I do remember being an adult prematurely. I have to be the one responsible, to be the best in school, to work harder even if my body and mind are tired, to not fall in love and have some fun like normal kids have so I will not have any diversion towards my mom's goal for me. I didn’t complain because me and my mom have the same goal. And I love her for that push that she gave me because honestly without it, I will be nowhere near what we wanted for our family. 

But I have always this feeling - like a shadow, in my journey to life that something is not complete. So to those who always say "you'll get over it", please don't. There is no stage in life that you can "get over" of not having a father. It wasn't easy, but we all did ok getting out of the deep mud. It was 31 years of struggle for me building myself as a ship to my younger siblings. All thanks to God who brought us help who holds the oar for us to move forward whenever we felt tired and on the verge of giving up.  

And then 15 years later, you suddenly show yourself asking for forgiveness through social media. We are not gonna deny you of what you are asking from us. We won't let you suffer going through this heartache because we were not brought up that way. This is not how we repay GOD for helping us find our way through all that pain. Mommy on the other hand is a different story. She deserve to decide on her own terms when she can give that forgiveness. 

 

So I decided to write you a letter not to make you feel more guilty but to give you a summary of all that 30 years of our life but mostly mine.  You have our gratitude for bringing us to this world but please acknowledge the hardwork that Mommy did for us.  

Resuming Blog . . . 10 Years Later

Why after all these years just now? 

First - My Father who's been missing in our life suddenly appears 15 years later. On another post on this detail.

Second - I realize I have so many words in my head - and I needed a place to channel this. 

In advance, I do want to apologize if ever you stumble upon this nonsense blog - just continue browsing. If it somehow helped you, I appreciate you for seeing the good purpose of this medium. 

What Faith Can Do - Kutless

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes
And make a new beginning

Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you're stronger
Stronger than you know

Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason
For someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright

Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do

Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

Typhoon Yolanda

I can't even begin how to do my post on this very tragic news in the Philippines. Every time I watch news, my heart bleeds and aches and the worst part of it is I cannot do any little help. The only thing I can do is to cry my heart out and sympathize with what the victims of yolanda are going through right now. I didn't write this to discuss about the donations and help, nor the suffering of all those people. I keep on praying and bugging HIM eventhough Im aware how HE must be really busy right now hearing all those anguish, questions and painful plea for help. I will not stop bugging HIM. I will not stop crying until my eyes run dry. I want to do this not just for the people who need them, it's more for me as I know that I have so little ways of extending my help to them. Let me take this chance to ask for your help to say a silent prayer for those who doesn't have any ways of seeing a silver lining on this tragedy.

I know that many have questioned why this is happening to our country, to our world. Some might have asked God why He let this happen. I may be one of those people who got tons of questions in my head. We may not get the answers to all these but I know for sure that God will help us find the way to overcome these pain and struggles. Don't we always just look back at some of the painful memories in our past where some we just laugh it off or some we were still in awe on how we manage to get off that mess or some still brought us pain. May God shine His light upon the victims of yolanda. May the souls of those who never survived find peace and love in God's hands. I pray more for those who survived, eventhough they're alive, couldn't find it a "good thing" that they survived to see what is now in front of them, to see what was left of what they used to call home, to see how many loved ones they lost, to see the grief from all the corners of where they were standing now. This isn't a movie that you can stop crying after 2 and a half hours. It may take a lot more than that to get over this kind of experience. But I hope that I will still and will always prays for them.

"You think it's more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining"
- What Faith Can Do (Kutless)

For the Game of Thrones Big Fans

Can't wait!

Keane - Somewhere Only We Know

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute, why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?

Somewhere only we know

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute, why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go? So why don't we go?

Oh, this could be the end of everything
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know
Somewhere only we know

Another Untitled Post

It's been a year. It's been that long but feels so short to me. I've enjoyed much of the free time I have been asking ever since. But I never did any of the usual things that I really love to do like reading and blogging. I have been busy baking though. But I am so thankful to God and to Mr A for letting me have this long long vacation. Now I have to wake up. I have tons and tons of memories in my head but I couldn't blog them all now. I wanted to. I'll probably do them one at a time as long as my memories will help me. At least until the very small details I can still remember. Not getting any younger now. From this long hiatus, I realized I still love writing about something. I still love reading about novels and stuff. I still wanted to learn and make my mind work like it used to be. I am trying to pick up the pieces again.

I hope this will be the beginning of a new chapter. To hug back who I was back then. I miss certain people. I miss certain things. There are few that I don't but it doesn't mean they or it never crossed my mind for a second. Each single moment or thing is relevant. As it helps in building the center of that very beautiful memory you always go back to in your quiet days.

One Good Song

"SOMETIMES IT ONLY TAKES ONE GOOD SONG TO BRING BACK THOUSANDS OF GOOD, OLD MEMORIES"

And some old memories makes you wonder why it didn't stay that way today? Whenever I looked back, I couldn't help compare what was life for me then than what it is to me now. It has indeed taken a giant leap. Along with it, I couldn't help but think about the times how rhonny started. From pa-cute moments to ligawan blues to the sweetest first few years of their togetherness. They always wanted to spend their time together. He go home late just to be with her. She thinks of extra ordinary thoughtful ways to show him how much he mean to her. Then it changed. Somehow, all that tooth-aching sweetness ebbs away along with the number of years they have been together. I know that people do really change. But I never thought that feelings do too. Don't get me wrong, love is stronger for rhonny now. But the way it was is really gone. Scary thing is, I don't think it will be coming back again. Or maybe I'm just being a sentimental fool to think that sweetness doesn't grow old? I will still hope though. I don't want this kind of relationship now. I want romance and sweetness to be brought back. Don't be alarmed. I am looking for this with the same one I've shared a lot of things with for 14 years and the same one I've exchanged vows with 5 years ago. I don't want to be loved forcefully or just because it's a responsibility. I want to be loved the same way I felt 14 years ago. I want to be looked at like I am the only girl in this world. I want to be hugged and kissed in the forehead at public places like it used to be. I want to always feel his hands next to mine whenever we are together like the way it was. I want to see again that fear in him of losing me anytime. I want to see again in his eyes that I am perfect the way I am without comparing me to any big boobs, sexy abs and pretty face FHM models. I don't want to be just his wife, I want to be THE wife. Is it asking too much? I'm not asking for any additional effort. I'm just wishing that in terms of being affectionate and showing his love for me, the clock will turn back to 14 years ago. Sigh. Or maybe accepting what is in front of me now will at least alleviate the ache. 

If you happen to read this when I'm already gone, don't worry. You have been a perfect husband to me. I'm just being me - uncontented and selfish wife. And I'm not being sarcastic. I'm just hoping good things were not changing. 

The Big Bear on Hibernate Mode

There's a point in time that the bear has to forget about some of the things that hurts him. He doesn't want to push because love and friendship will not be sweet right? He tried anyway but he came to a point that he felt really tired. And then he remembers that all bears do hibernate at some point in their life right? This bear is officially on hibernate mode. He's not making a total BS drama that's why he chooses to stay away. He chooses to stay away because he can't stand to be hurt anymore and more so make a fool of himself for a thousand times. Love is too precious to waste. But the bear is willing to wait until the mother nature is ready. He just hopes it will not be too late for anything. Life is really being sardonic to the big bear lately. Nothing he wishes are aligned to what was God's plan for him. And love isn't too friendly with him either. In spite of it all, the big bear chooses to count whatever blessings he have in his life. But he can't ignore the times that he was slumped in dejection. Then again, this too will pass. So, staying away is the best stupid solution that the big bear has to come up with. Until then, the big bear shall return with a lot of happy fishing stories to be told.

Drop Dead Diva TV Series

As of today, it's on Season 4. And I am completely addicted to it. At first I thought why was I into this series when some of my friends are into Walking Dead? Simple. I hate zombies and icky moving creatures. Period. I don't care about the story. I guess I just have that thing that when I watch scary things, it gets stucked into my mind for days and I wouldn't be able to sleep. So why DDD? It's not a chick flick I promise. It excites me because of the courtroom dramas that the main characters are dealing with. And they were not just simple cases. Most are cases which are really happening in the real world. I guess I'm a sucker for new information. I guess I'm simple a sucker for courtroom dramas. Well, you can tell with my favorite authors - John Grisham, James Patterson, David Baldacci, Michael Crichton. I am writing this for my own good. So in time, when my memory wasn't that good, I will be able to go back to this blog (hopefully it will stay forever) and remind myself some of the good things in life I love and fascinated about :) I guess this fascination of mine started when I was little and learned about my grandfather being a lawyer and few of the relatives from my father's side. My grandmother was a pharmacist so probably that was also an inspiration for my sister Ken. So that's me :)

In Season 4, I learn about Thalium and FDA's real rules regarding gays donating sperm cells within 5 years. Related news here. And law is really tricky. Wonder why I didn't push through being a lawyer :p

Priorities

PRIORITIES
by: JB Jimenez - Ayala Land

Ano kayang halaga ng tagumpay sa career if it has been achieved at the expense of the family. What profit does a man have kung mawawala naman ang kanyang pamilya? OO nga, meron siyang salapi na milyon ang halaga, magandang mansyon, travels around the world, and cavorts with an array of girls, women, and ladies, pero naman ang kapalit kung ikaw naman ay being hated by your daughters and is the mortal enemy of your sons. Can success in career really make up for failure at home? Which then is more important, wealth or family. A great number of us would readily say family. Pero totoo kaya na ang ating sinasabi ay ating ginagawa. But do we walk our talk ika nga? Are we willing to translate our mindsets into concrete actions? Day by day, we are bombarded by 52 million dollar questions, Sino ba ang mahalaga ang mga anak ko o ang trabaho ko.

To my fellow employees, I don't know how you react out there or would Answer my questions. In my case, as an accountant who always spend overtime in the office to be able to submit deadline reports come month-end or cut-off period, I have made unforgivable mistakes. If I have to live my life again, I would need to overhaul my priorities, to rechannel the efforts that I Have been exerting with passions and commitment . I thought all along na ang Lahat ng ginagawa kong pagpapahirap at pagtratrabaho to the max to get a promotion, I am doing it all for the family._ But I was wrong_. Today I know better. When my wife or daughter is on the phone I make sure that I attend to them first, never mind if there are urgent things to attend or papers to submit to my superior, after all they can wait for 10 minutes...but if I deny the 10 minutes that is so important to them, it would have a lasting effect than to my Boss who might be replaced in a couple of years._

My family is my top priority_, period. It is not a choice between my family and my career. MY FAMILY IS THE REASON WHY I NEED A CAREER._ __My career will come and go, employers can come and go but one's family Will remain even beyond the grave_. They even take care of our graves. Noon kahit mayroon affairs sa school ang aking mga anak, I'd tend to preponderate toward the official duty and delegate the affairs of my kids to my wife. I used to operate on the paradigm that I should focus on the duty first before pleasure. Now I know that MY first duty is toward my loved ones. I should put my time where my heart belongs._

Today if I will to do it all over again, I'd reverse my priorities_. My son will only graduate once in elementary and only once in high school, I will make sure I will be there, I will file my vacation leave and if my Boss rejected it because I need to attend to a company function where I am required to attend, I would still go to my kids graduation no matter what the consequences are. This time I am willing to become an average corporate officer, a so-so business executive but a great father. I'm willing to be reprimanded by my Boss for a late report but not hated by a daughter for not remembering her birthday every year.....na ilalabas ko siya the whole day and cherish the moments every minute dahil alam ko hindi ko na maibabalik ito kapag lumaki na siya at kung gawin ko man later, baka huli na. There are more important matters compared to corporate business meetings, Family peace and love- these are the ones that matter most.
BUT I SPEAK ONLY FOR MYSELF. I DO NOT IMPOSE VALUES ON YOU GUYS OUT THERE.

If you think possessions are more important than family, go ahead. Spend 20 hours in the office, bring home your corporate work. Neglect your wife.. don't spend quality time with your kids. Don't attend important family gatherings. Find work that you are away for a week and only meet your family every week-ends, oh what a waste. Delegate raising the children to your spouse. Leave the young kids to the nanny. Let the driver brings your kids to school. Ask someone to represent in your son college graduation. If you find something wrong at home, don't mind it, anyway your concentration is in your job. You have your career remember? Don't greet your father and mother on their anniversary. Spend all your time in the company. Baka mawala ang tiwala ng Boss mo sa iyo sayang ang pinagpaguran mo ng matagal. If you have aging parents, don't visit them. enjoy your career in isolation. Drink, dance, be merry, But in the end, you lose all the love ones who love you more, after neglecting them. No wife, no kids, no family. you are alone and pretending to be happy. don't blame your company. don't lay the Burden on your Boss. Hindi ba, You made the choice? You opted to put more value on your career. Dahil sabi mo pinaghirapan mo lahat ito and pangarap mo na ito simula pagkabata dahil mahirap ka lang ikamu...gusto mong yumaman. You gambled and you lost.

I know of an executive na masyadong depressed...every week lang siyang umuwi sa pamilya niya. Week-ends lang niya nalalaro ang mga bata kung minsan required pa mag-stay ng sabado sa office, who finds no meaning in his life, he's got the money, a beautiful wife who according to him might be hiding something from him (you know what I mean) and the kids are not genuinely closed to him, for no apparent reason he had pulled the trigger to his head. He's got everything and he lost everything. that is the tragedy of it all.

As for me, I know better. After all the pains, the burdens of mistaken priorities, I have made my choice. Anytime, anywhere, my family comes first. My career, my business, my outside clients, all my other pursuits are only means to the end of all my sacrifices, my wife, my sons, my daughters, my family. I shall thus manage my various objectives well. there shall not be conflicting objective anymore. For I now know clearly my priorities and shall be faithful to them. I shall be willing to give them up; excess money, much comfort, travels, and girls for and in the name of the family. That is simple and straightforward.

PS. Are you aware that if we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our own family, an unwise investment indeed, don't you think? And we often treat strangers and coworkers better than members of our family.

Family Matters Most

I'm not sure if most of you are guilty of keeping another folder of old old emails. I am one of them. I have one folder with emails from 2005. And I just can't have the courage to delete them all until I quickly read them. Good thing, I did. I found one good article and decided to post anything I could find and tag it as worth reading. Below is one from Bo Sanchez.

6 Steps to Spending More Time with Your Family No Matter How Busy You Are

We were going to Hong Kong that day.

I was going to preach for three days but had two extra days to be with my family.

Picture us at the airport: My wife carrying our baby in her arms, my eldest son bouncing about like a rabbit and announcing to the whole world, "I'm going to Hong Kong Disneyland!" And the poor skinny father? Straining to push eight massive bags on a wobbly cart with a stubborn right wheel. (I've noticed that these deranged carts supernaturally end up with me wherever I go.)

That was when we heard the crying.

Correction. Not crying. But spine-chilling, lung-busting screaming.

Two kids were holding onto their mother. They were separated by four-foot tall steel bars. But to those distraught children, those steel bars represented two years of being without their mother - the contract of a domestic helper in Hong Kong.

Four small arms clutching, grabbing, not letting go.

The whole world heard their pleading scream, "Mommy, please don't go! Please don't go!"

I'll never forget the mother's pained, tortured face - as though a knife was ripping through her body.

My wife cried openly.

I wept inside and held onto my kids more closely.

That was two days ago.

Yesterday, the story continued...

Those Small Arms Continue to Reach Out Yesterday was Sunday.

And I walked around Central.

If you don't know Hong Kong, Central is where thousands upon thousands of Filipina Domestic Helpers congregate. They sit on sidewalks. They sit on overpasses. They sit by storefronts.

I walked passed one woman who was reading a handwritten letter.

The handwriting was obviously a child's penmanship.

I walked passed another listening to a little cassette player - not to listen to music - but to a voice of a kid telling stories.

But what broke my heart was the news given to me by Shirley, the head of one organization that tries to help them get financial education. I was shocked by what she said. "Brother Bo, out of our 700 members who are married, 80% are already separated from their husbands."

Families aren't designed for prolonged separation.

They're not just made for that.

We're supposed to spend time together.

"Bo, why are you telling me this? I'm not in Hong Kong. I'm living with my family under one roof."

Listen. Yes, you're not in Hong Kong.

But if you don't have time for your family - and your heart is not focused on them - you might as well be in another country.

You could be physically present - but are you emotionally present as well? Let me share with you five important steps you could take to become more emotionally present with them...

Step #1: Be Close.

I'm still in Hong Kong as I write this piece.

It's five in the morning as I type this article in bed.

And my little family is literally around me because we're all sleeping on one bed. Yes, we've become one mass jumble of intertwined humanity - our limbs, legs and arms crisscrossing each other.

And that's when I realize - gosh, I don't know how blessed I am.

Why?

Here I am with my family. I feel their skin. I smell their scents. We're so close, I feel their breath.

And yet I'm surrounded by 148,000 domestic helpers here in Hong Kong that have been away from their families for months, for years, for decades. And for those who've separated - forever.

Let me say it again: We don't know how blessed we are.

We complain that our families are nutty.

But we don't understanding how blessed we are to have them close enough  to experience their nuttiness.

We complain about our petty quarrels, our cold wars, our dysfunctionality.

But whose family isn't dysfunctional?

I've talked to some people here in Hong Kong who would give anything to be with their families again - even for just one day of nuttiness.

The first step is to be more emotionally present to  your family is to actually be physically present to them. Be close!

You need to know how precious your family is - and treat them that way.

You need to see them as your true wealth - that nothing is more precious than your relationships.

Step #2: Be Deliberate.

Because you need to protect this treasure or they get stolen from you.

No matter how busy I am, I schedule a weekly romantic date with my spouse.

Yes, I actually write it down in my appointment book and treat it like a meeting with the President of the Philippines. These weekly nights are blocked off for the entire year. Nothing can touch it, except some dire emergency.

Why? Because if my marriage fails, everything else stands to fail as well: My ministry, my businesses, my soul... So it is an emergency that I bring her out every week.

I also schedule a weekly date with my kids.

I believe parents need to do these one-on-one dates with each of their kids. Unless of course you've got 18 children and may need to bring them out by two's or three's.

Sometimes my son and I just walk around the village and talk.

It doesn't have to be big. But swapping stories and opening our hearts to one another on a consistent basis is already very big to them. It means they matter to you - that you value them - and you'll see their self-esteem grow.

Step #3: Be Expressive.

I tell my wife "I love you" seven times a day.

I hug my kids countless of times a day.

At night, I tell my kids, "I'm so proud you're my son. I'm so proud I'm your Daddy. You're a genius. You're a loving boy. You're an incredibly gifted young man..."

This is true. I have met 40-year olds who long to hear these words from their parents - "I'm proud of you," and feel an empty space - like a gaping wound in their souls because their parents have never told them this.

Don't do that to your kids.

And before I forget: Praise your kids seven times a day.

And praise your spouse seven times a day.

I'm not kidding. It will revolutionize your marriage.

If I say, "Criticize your spouse seven times a day," I bet you'd say, "Kaunti naman. I do that already." But that's the problem.  We don't realize that when we criticize our spouses, we actually destroy our marriage bit by bit - not just our spouses.

But when you praise and honor your spouse - you build up your marriage.

It can be very simple stuff:

Ang sarap ng luto mo ngayon, Hon.

I thank God He gave you to me.

You're so hardworking.

I love it when I see you play with the kids.

You know how to make me happy.

Ganda mo ngayon.

Keep on doing this and you'll see changes in your life and your marriage you thought were not possible.

Let me say it again: Praise your spouse - and your children - seven times a day.

Step #4: Be Deep.

Your weekly dates shouldn't just be watching movies, eating out and going home.

Talk deep.

Talk about your feelings.

Enter into each other's worlds. Dive into each other's dreams, hurts, desires, worries, hopes and burdens.

When you open yourself up to your spouse or your child, there are more chances for the other person to open up to you.

Step #5: Be Simple

Yesterday afternoon, I preached to 700 people in Hong Kong.

I usually give my talks for 45 minutes. That's been my trademark.

But yesterday, I gave a solid two-hour talk. Vein-popping, heart-pounding, passion-driven talk - because I had a burden in my heart.

Because I preached on Financial Literacy.

I challenged them, "Raise your financial I.Q.!"

I scolded them, "When you left the Philippines, you told your kids, 'Anak, two years of separation lang 'to. After two years, Mommy will have saved enough and will go home and we'll be together again.' But after two years, you go home and you haven't saved. Because you repainted the house. Because there's a new TV set in the living room and a new gas range in the kitchen. Because the kids have new designer rubber shoes.

I taught them how to live simply and ruthlessly save 20% of their income.

Because unless they do this, they will be forever trapped in Hong Kong.

Look at your life.

Are you living simply?

Are you saving 20% of your income?

Step #6: Be Financially Intelligent

I also taught them where to invest.

I told them, "It's not enough to just save. You need to know where to put your money. Because savings accounts at 1% and time deposits at 5% won't do. Inflation - which is at 7% - will simply eat them up."

So I taught them about mutual funds and other investment vehicles, including the ability to sell something and get into business.

Here's the truth: The more you know about money, the less time you need to make money. So the more time you have for your family.

Actually, a time should come when you don't need  to make money. Instead, you let money make money. And that requires financial intelligence.

Read. Attend seminars. Look for mentors. Go Home. After giving my talk, I took a deep breath and told my audience in Hong Kong, "When you follow these principles and have saved enough - please go home. Please go home to your children."

I made a lot of people cry that day.

I'm telling you the same thing.

Oh yes, you may be living with your family in one house, but it's possible that your heart is so far away from your spouse and kids - and they are far away from you as well.

You need to let your heart go home. Go home my friend. Your heart belongs there.

Korea Visa Checked

I woke up early again to head back to the Korea Embassy. I was surprised that the room was full. My queue no was 81 and it was at #41 when I got there. Good thing, they called all the collection early for faster processing. Managed to got out of the embassy still in less than an hour. And I am so happy we all got our Visas! Starting with the countdown already yippeeee!!! Today's brekky was Burger King at ION and did another round of shopping lol. Fetch baby in school too :)

current queue was 41

yummy brekky

Margarita and Taco Night

We invited Ninongs Joey and Halil today for our gimik night at home. Less crowded. Cheap way of going out and I get to try to do a margarita and taco on my own. And it was a hit! Or were they just being nice to me? Lol! Anyway, I'm just so glad my first attempt was not a failure. Win! We were low on tequila when we started our margarita so we decided to finish up the baileys on our shelf. What's the big deal? The date written on the bottom of the bottle is "best to consume before November 2011". Lol. They even google it if it will all make us throw up in the morning and after finding out that nothing says like that, we all drink it up. Crossing our fingers that nothing will happen to us hopefully. Even housemate Ninong Dennis joined us lol. Probably the reason why it was not on the internet is we were the first one who tried to drink up an "expired" bottle of Baileys. We better start stacking up now lol. Thanks guys for the fun night!

The very interesting bottle of Baileys lol

Taco and Frozen Strawberry Margarita made by me!